This is not my first blog. I started out on tumblr years ago, but too much in my life has changed and too many things on tumblr remind me of things I want to forget or don’t want to be reminded of. I enjoy the photos and the gifs and the people on tumblr, I feel like they know me better than the people in my real life. I have a blog on tumblr with the same name that I’ve kept hidden for myself and locked with a password, but this time I want my blog to be therapeutic for me, a space where I can be myself unfiltered, post photographs (beginner photographer) that I’m genuinely proud of, and to allow some of my thoughts to resonate with people I haven’t met, to help a stranger or to let people out there in the rest of the world know that maybe they’re not alone and that their feelings may be exactly the same as mine if they happen to stumble upon this blog. I’m hoping what I’ll find from writing my thoughts out is clarity from this mess of a mind. This blog will mostly contain my inner thoughts, photographs, my travel adventures, my opinions, my favorite songs/playlists, reviews for books, movies, anything and everything I feel the need to think about and express. I’ll try and do a post everyday (at least that’s my goal). So if you do happen to stumble upon this blog and you’re reading this then thank you and I promise to try and keep things interesting. 😉
I am struggling to be confident in my abilities.
How do I explain this feeling.. you know when you’re just getting to know someone and you go out on a first date and there are butterflies going and during the date you have moments where you’re looking at each other or smiling or touching from being in such close proximity to each other…
It just feels almost like a current is running through the both of you..
The way I want to describe it is.. it’s like a charged moment. Like something in you is pulsating, and you feel like it’s the perfect opportunity to just lean in for an amazing kiss.
Does anyone ever feel like they don’t want to share something with someone because it’s so personal and they associate it like a memory or song or movie with someone else or they just want to keep it to themselves. It’s like having their own little secret.
I don’t know if that makes any sense so I’ll give you an example. When someone new in my life asks me about what my favorite movie is or what my favorite song is I am hesitant to tell them because they’ll want to hear it or watch it and it’ll change the way you feel about it if you talk about it with them. Or they don’t understand it or feel the same way about it as you do. You’re happy or sentimental about the way it makes you feel and you like the way it reminds you of a certain part or time in your life.
I feel like people who are guarded feel like this about all sorts of things, certain phrases, words, books, movies, songs. Something might mean something completely different to you than to them and you don’t want them ruining it. So here’s my reminder to you, and to myself that it’s okay to be a little selfish you don’t necessarily have to share everything with everyone.
This is probably going to be controversial but honestly I do not care. I am not gay, or lesbian but I feel the need and want to be apart of the fight. I literally get angry and offended for a group of people I honestly can’t relate to, but only have empathy and compassion for.
I don’t know how to describe the way I feel but I just don’t want anyone to be afraid of being who they are. It breaks my heart that someone who is LGBTQ and is growing up in society has all of these internal struggles (which I probably know nothing about) and have a fear of being themselves, or they see themselves as having something wrong with them. There isn’t. Things have to and need to change, and I really wish there is somehow or way I can be apart of that change.
Awareness is only a small fraction of it. Feel free to leave suggestions about how I may strengthen GSA’s.
Is anyone else afraid of letting other people or specifically someone else in after they’ve had a break up?
It’s scary and exciting at the same time because at one point in life you thought this person was the love of your life but then you realize that maybe there’s better for you out there.
That maybe you were settling, and what you thought you deserved you accepted only to find out that the person you were with was actually selfish. You were the one always sacrificing everything to be with them and to make them happy. So I’m a little intimidated and I know I shouldn’t be doing this but when you really compare things …it’s so different.
When I used to tell this other guy about my insecurities he would say “you’re being stupid”, meaning simply that I shouldn’t be thinking about myself that negatively but he would never really remind me or reassure me or make me feel better about the insecurities, but then you compare it to someone else who says “it’s my mission for you to never feel insecure about that that again” it’s going above and beyond. It’s also different when you realize that someone wants to put you first and try their hardest to MAKE you happy and not just want you to BE happy. They are willing to do anything to make your dreams or wishes come true and they do it unselfishly. That really scares and surprises me because it’s something I’ve not yet experienced before.
I’m beginning to understand this. That people change and that sometimes you were in love with who they used to be but they’re no longer that person. It’s okay to remember and miss the person they used to be but be careful not to sabotage future relationships because you’re hoping that that person might come back.
Rules of being an introvert
- Feel left out, or have a fear of missing out
- Spend time alone
- Get invited to something and really want to go but when it comes time to going back out
- Spend minutes/hours/days debating whether or not you want to go and the obstacles you’ll have to face
- Apologize lots
- Feel relieved when you don’t have to go and no-one is mad
- Feel left out when someone posts photos of the thing you were supposed to go to but didn’t
I mean that list I just made pokes fun at myself, and should be taken lightly but at the same time it’s also 100% true. There are occasions where you’ll accept and go out and have a great time, but there are also occasions where you go out and you wish you hadn’t. You’ll never be able to tell beforehand. Anyone else relate?