a dark day

Does anyone have a “dark day” maybe it’s linked to something that happened in the past that previous day. Like a death anniversary, or an anniversary but now you’re no longer with that person. Just lots of bad memories or good ones that are now gone.

You feel the need to shut yourself off and just get away from it all, take a day off physically and mentally.

I’m here to tell you that it’s okay. It’s okay to have an off day or a dark day. You don’t owe anyone any explanations and whatever you feel is valid.

Today is the 2 year death anniversary of my aunt who passed away suddenly. She was healthy as a horse and she had a stroke and now she’s gone. Today I remember her, but i also want to remember how fleeting life can be.

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Electricity

How do I explain this feeling.. you know when you’re just getting to know someone and you go out on a first date and there are butterflies going and during the date you have moments where you’re looking at each other or smiling or touching from being in such close proximity to each other…

It just feels almost like a current is running through the both of you..

The way I want to describe it is.. it’s like a charged moment. Like something in you is pulsating, and you feel like it’s the perfect opportunity to just lean in for an amazing kiss.

 

Guarded

Does anyone ever feel like they don’t want to share something with someone because it’s so personal and they associate it like a memory or song or movie with someone else or they just want to keep it to themselves. It’s like having their own little secret.

I don’t know if that makes any sense so I’ll give you an example. When someone new in my life asks me about what my favorite movie is or what my favorite song is I am hesitant to tell them because they’ll want to hear it or watch it and it’ll change the way you feel about it if you talk about it with them. Or they don’t understand it or feel the same way about it as you do. You’re happy or sentimental about the way it makes you feel and you like the way it reminds you of a certain part or time in your life.

I feel like people who are guarded feel like this about all sorts of things, certain phrases, words, books, movies, songs. Something might mean something completely different to you than to them and you don’t want them ruining it. So here’s my reminder to you, and to myself that it’s okay to be a little selfish you don’t necessarily have to share everything with everyone.

LGBTQ

This is probably going to be controversial but honestly I do not care. I am not gay, or lesbian but I feel the need and want to be apart of the fight.  I literally get angry and offended for a group of people I honestly can’t relate to, but only have empathy and compassion for.

I don’t know how to describe the way I feel but I just don’t want anyone to be afraid of being who they are. It breaks my heart that someone who is LGBTQ and is growing up in society has all of these internal struggles (which I probably know nothing about) and have a fear of being themselves, or they see themselves as having something wrong with them. There isn’t. Things have to and need to change, and I really wish there is somehow or way I can be apart of that change.

Awareness is only a small fraction of it. Feel free to leave suggestions about how I may strengthen GSA’s.

 

Who do you love?

Is anyone else afraid of letting other people or specifically someone else in after they’ve had a break up?

It’s scary and exciting at the same time because at one point in life you thought this person was the love of your life but then you realize that maybe there’s better for you out there.

That maybe you were settling, and what you thought you deserved you accepted only to find out that the person you were with was actually selfish. You were the one always sacrificing everything to be with them and to make them happy. So I’m a little intimidated and I know I shouldn’t be doing this but when you really compare things …it’s so different.

When I used to tell this other guy about my insecurities he would say “you’re being stupid”, meaning simply that I shouldn’t be thinking about myself that negatively but he would never really remind me or reassure me or make me feel better about the insecurities, but then you compare it to someone else who says “it’s my mission for you to never feel insecure about that that again” it’s going above and beyond. It’s also different when you realize that someone wants to put you first and try their hardest to MAKE you happy and not just want you to BE happy. They are willing to do anything to make your dreams or wishes come true and they do it unselfishly. That really scares and surprises me because it’s something I’ve not yet experienced before.