Does anyone ever feel like they don’t want to share something with someone because it’s so personal and they associate it like a memory or song or movie with someone else or they just want to keep it to themselves. It’s like having their own little secret.
I don’t know if that makes any sense so I’ll give you an example. When someone new in my life asks me about what my favorite movie is or what my favorite song is I am hesitant to tell them because they’ll want to hear it or watch it and it’ll change the way you feel about it if you talk about it with them. Or they don’t understand it or feel the same way about it as you do. You’re happy or sentimental about the way it makes you feel and you like the way it reminds you of a certain part or time in your life.
I feel like people who are guarded feel like this about all sorts of things, certain phrases, words, books, movies, songs. Something might mean something completely different to you than to them and you don’t want them ruining it. So here’s my reminder to you, and to myself that it’s okay to be a little selfish you don’t necessarily have to share everything with everyone.
I’ve been thinking a lot this weekend about this quote from the Stephen Chbosky book, “The Perks of being a wallflower” because it’s often true that people settle for way less than they deserve. They trick themselves into thinking what they have with someone is special or it’s love, when in reality they’re having to convince themselves that this is all they’ll know and that is all they’ll ever get.
I thought what I had was “it”, and sometimes I still wonder if what we had might still be it. I thought it was easy, I thought it was written in the stars, but in the back of my head I knew that I was way more invested in what we had and when it ended I felt like even though I loved what we had, I thought I deserved better. I knew i deserved better but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt or that I don’t crave it. Don’t feel bad or beat yourself up for feeling that way, it doesn’t make you weak or pathetic though I’ve felt like both.
It’s scary to think that there may never be anything or anyone else out there that’ll make you feel like you deserved to be loved again after being in such a mess. I don’t have the answers, but I don’t want to give up on love cause that’s all I’ve ever hoped for. You can be resilient and strong but do it in your own time. I’ve always been patient, but sometimes patience is the last thing you want, you just want someone, the one, who you’re supposed to be with to find you, say they want you and to never let go. Maybe it’s a fairy tale, maybe it’s a lie, but if you think about the people in your life who have it, maybe your friends, or someone in your family, your parents, then you know that if it can happen to them it can happen to you.
There’s something so exciting about hearing or talking to others when they are truly excited or passionate about something. Even though you know nothing or have no idea what it is about they’re excited enough to get you excited and as a result I am really happy for them. Whether that excitement is about a person or a television show or a place, anything really if something is making someone happy then why wouldn’t you want to take the time to just lend an ear and let them to share that with you.