Guarded

Does anyone ever feel like they don’t want to share something with someone because it’s so personal and they associate it like a memory or song or movie with someone else or they just want to keep it to themselves. It’s like having their own little secret.

I don’t know if that makes any sense so I’ll give you an example. When someone new in my life asks me about what my favorite movie is or what my favorite song is I am hesitant to tell them because they’ll want to hear it or watch it and it’ll change the way you feel about it if you talk about it with them. Or they don’t understand it or feel the same way about it as you do. You’re happy or sentimental about the way it makes you feel and you like the way it reminds you of a certain part or time in your life.

I feel like people who are guarded feel like this about all sorts of things, certain phrases, words, books, movies, songs. Something might mean something completely different to you than to them and you don’t want them ruining it. So here’s my reminder to you, and to myself that it’s okay to be a little selfish you don’t necessarily have to share everything with everyone.

Therapy

If you ever feel like you need a break from everything, fill up your car with gas (if you can drive, it works for a walk too), blast your music and sing along. I thought that music had abandoned me during dark points in my life, and when every song is a reminder of something or someone I couldn’t listen to it. It turns out there are songs that don’t remind me of anything or remind me of me and then I remember that music has and will always be there for me. It’ll be there for me for every mood, and it’ll be there for me to say with lyrics so easily what I’ve been struggling to say myself. So when artists and musicians say that writing lyrics and music heals them I believe them.

The other form of therapy I’m hoping to start is filling out a plain notebook with all of my favorite lyrics that pop into my head whenever I am feeling or trying to convey how I feel throughout my days. I am by no means an artist or a poet, but I can appreciate how beautiful someone can articulate a feeling or an emotion through words. I hope one day I’ll be able to do that myself.

Does anyone else feel like this sometimes or relate to this in any way?