maybe it’s not fomo, it’s social media

Ugh. I am beginning to think social media platforms like snapchat and instagram stories in particular are evil. Because it shows at any given moment “live” what people are up to at that instant. If you’re able to see these things you’re also able to be like “oh this is what this person is up to at this very moment” and just that quick little video or photo or second makes it seem like okay you don’t need to know what else they’ve been up to.

We’ve become so reliant on social media and cyber stalking that it takes away from making the actual effort of having to get to know someone or talk to someone and genuinely meet up in person to catch up. I also think it can be a bit unhealthy when you’re perfectly content having a night to yourself and then you go looking at a friends snapchat and they are “seemingly” having more fun than you and you feel like there’s maybe something wrong with you. Why is it that they’re having more fun? Why can’t that be you? Without snapchat and instagram stories those feelings of FOMO (fear of missing out) is something you would have never experienced. It’s almost as if everyone is purposely rubbing your face in something, quite aggressively. Didn’t the hipster days of instagram seem simpler when it was just posting a photo and then captioning it and sharing it that way? Everything else just seems much extra.

I understand the need for sharing and wanting to share and post pictures but where is the balance here. I’m guilty of doing it myself sometimes but I’m more often on the other side….

Sometimes its nice to just not know what the hell everyone else is doing at every minute of every day and just enjoy yourself. Ignorance can be bliss. Let’s work on not taking the bait together. #confessionsofanintrovert

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Hiatus

I know I’ve been really bad at this putting my thoughts into words often because I feel like my thoughts aren’t even worth sharing outside of my head but I’m going to get better. Because I think it’s always been therapeutic for me to come back a year or even a month from now to see my own growth. It’s also even nice if anyone is reading this that they might know exactly how I’m feeling or relate to it somehow.

So the first thing I wanna blog about is music related. I find that whenever I’m out in public places eg. the mall and I’m going in and out of different shops my immediate thought is to notice what song is playing. Today I was grocery shopping and one of my favorite songs at the moment came on and I noticed it instantly, and instantly my mood felt better, felt more excited, felt happier but it seemed like no-one else in the store in that moment even noticed a shift. Anyone else feel like that? That your the only one noticing the songs and the soundtracks throughout your life, that every song has a different feeling, emotion, or memory attached to it? That’s why I think sometimes I am hesitant and a bit selfish with sharing music because it’s like sharing a secret or something personal.

Guarded

Does anyone ever feel like they don’t want to share something with someone because it’s so personal and they associate it like a memory or song or movie with someone else or they just want to keep it to themselves. It’s like having their own little secret.

I don’t know if that makes any sense so I’ll give you an example. When someone new in my life asks me about what my favorite movie is or what my favorite song is I am hesitant to tell them because they’ll want to hear it or watch it and it’ll change the way you feel about it if you talk about it with them. Or they don’t understand it or feel the same way about it as you do. You’re happy or sentimental about the way it makes you feel and you like the way it reminds you of a certain part or time in your life.

I feel like people who are guarded feel like this about all sorts of things, certain phrases, words, books, movies, songs. Something might mean something completely different to you than to them and you don’t want them ruining it. So here’s my reminder to you, and to myself that it’s okay to be a little selfish you don’t necessarily have to share everything with everyone.

A hard pill to swallow

I’m beginning to understand this. That people change and that sometimes you were in love with who they used to be but they’re no longer that person. It’s okay to remember and miss the person they used to be but be careful not to sabotage future relationships because you’re hoping that that person might come back.

 

 

 

How to be an introvert

Rules of being an introvert

  1. Feel left out, or have a fear of missing out
  2. Spend time alone
  3. Get invited to something and really want to go but when it comes time to going back out
  4. Spend minutes/hours/days debating whether or not you want to go and the obstacles you’ll have to face
  5. Apologize lots
  6. Feel relieved when you don’t have to go and no-one is mad
  7. Feel left out when someone posts photos of the thing you were supposed to go to but didn’t
  8. Repeat

I mean that list I just made pokes fun at myself, and should be taken lightly but at the same time it’s also 100% true. There are occasions where you’ll accept and go out and have a great time, but there are also occasions where you go out and you wish you hadn’t. You’ll never be able to tell beforehand. Anyone else relate?

Do we accept the love we think we deserve?

I’ve been thinking a lot this weekend about this quote from the Stephen Chbosky book, “The Perks of being a wallflower” because it’s often true that people settle for way less than they deserve. They trick themselves into thinking what they have with someone is special or it’s love, when in reality they’re having to convince themselves that this is all they’ll know and that is all they’ll ever get.

I thought what I had was “it”, and sometimes I still wonder if what we had might still be it. I thought it was easy, I thought it was written in the stars, but in the back of my head I knew that I was way more invested in what we had and when it ended I felt like even though I loved what we had, I thought I deserved better. I knew i deserved better but that  doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt or that I don’t crave it. Don’t feel bad or beat yourself up for feeling that way, it doesn’t make you weak or pathetic though I’ve felt like both.

It’s scary to think that there may never be anything or anyone else out there that’ll make you feel like you deserved to be loved again after being in such a mess. I don’t have the answers, but I don’t want to give up on love cause that’s all I’ve ever hoped for. You can be resilient and strong but do it in your own time. I’ve always been patient, but sometimes patience is the last thing you want, you just want someone, the one, who you’re supposed to be with to find you, say they want you and to never let go. Maybe it’s a fairy tale, maybe it’s a lie, but if you think about the people in your life who have it, maybe your friends, or someone in your family, your parents, then you know that if it can happen to them it can happen to you.

 

Therapy

If you ever feel like you need a break from everything, fill up your car with gas (if you can drive, it works for a walk too), blast your music and sing along. I thought that music had abandoned me during dark points in my life, and when every song is a reminder of something or someone I couldn’t listen to it. It turns out there are songs that don’t remind me of anything or remind me of me and then I remember that music has and will always be there for me. It’ll be there for me for every mood, and it’ll be there for me to say with lyrics so easily what I’ve been struggling to say myself. So when artists and musicians say that writing lyrics and music heals them I believe them.

The other form of therapy I’m hoping to start is filling out a plain notebook with all of my favorite lyrics that pop into my head whenever I am feeling or trying to convey how I feel throughout my days. I am by no means an artist or a poet, but I can appreciate how beautiful someone can articulate a feeling or an emotion through words. I hope one day I’ll be able to do that myself.

Does anyone else feel like this sometimes or relate to this in any way?